Dating advice for adults in the real world

Hi Auntie Eileen,

I’m a guy who is a bit shy and socially awkward. I want to meet women for casual, friends-with-benefits type relationships. No commitments or expectations. I don’t want to lead anyone on, but I want to practice before I think about a long-term relationship. Can you help?

Shy Guy


Dear Shy Guy,

This is a bit like saying, “I want to learn to ski, so I’ll practice by building snowmen.” Casual hook-ups and FWB relationships require a different skill set from meeting women with a view to a possible longer-term relationship.

There are a LOT more men than women who are interested in casual hook-ups, so the odds are against you. If you want to score, you’d better be really good looking, have awesome game, or both.

Also, bear in mind that the women who are interested in a no strings attached sexual relationship are in it for great sex, and  will be expecting that you are really good in bed. If you don’t have that down pat, you’re going to be facing a lot of wipe-outs. If you have anxiety dealing with meeting women socially, how will you feel knowing that if you don’t wow your NSA date, she’s going to be moving on after one night with you?

No pressure there.

It’s a myth that all women are looking for marriage, kids and happy ever after. There are plenty who are looking for a good time with a man they like. But they don’t want to think of themselves as practice until the right woman comes along and you dump her.

Internet dating sites are a terrible place to meet women. Most women on Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish or similar sites get bombarded with dozens of messages a day, and have learned from experience that if they reply to the duds saying, “No thanks”, they will probably get an abusive message telling them they are fat and ugly. So they don’t reply. m

Try meeting women in person. Go to social events (check out your local Meet-up group) or if you are kinky, go to munches. Get to know women as people before you hit on them. Make friends first, or you never get to friends-with-benefits.

Loosen up your expectations. Don’t march in determined to walk out with a hot woman. Have fun, and see who wants to have fun with you.


About Eileen Gormley

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